Broken Heart
by somethingofdreams
Summary: Episode 4 through Korra's eyes
1. Chapter 1

Korra's world was constantly being turned upside-down. Nothing was making sense any more. The nightmares were continuing. In her dreams, Amon was coming back for her, ready to take her bending away, ready to hurt her, _ready to destroy her_.

Her most recent dream was Amon coming to take away her bending, proclaiming "you will be nothing." Korra woke up screaming. As she looked around her empty room she felt alone and hopeless. Everyone loved her… but only because she could bend. Only because she was the avatar. And because of that, bending had become a part of her. It was something she became attached to. _It felt like it was the only thing she really had_.

She often wondered how many of them would still love her and care about her if she couldn't bend. Who would defend her if she couldn't protect anyone anymore? Would they cast her aside on the streets and leave her to die, calling her worthless? Would she be the laughing stock of the world because of her sudden inability? Who would come back for her and tell her it would be alright? Who would tell her that she was still worth it and still special?

Korra's darkest fear was if she did in fact lose her bending, nobody would care about her at all. She'd be forever alone to fend for herself with no friends and family to ever be there for her. The worst part of that would be forever living with the knowledge that she left her parents who loved her unconditionally and her tribe which she knew so well… all for nothing. She would've gone on this life-changing journey only to realize she should've just stayed home and helped out around the house.

It seemed like some days bending was the only thing Korra still had that made sense. Everything else seemed to be slowly slipping away from her. And the truth was it scared Korra. She didn't want to be alone. Korra longed to be loved. It was something she never outright said but deep down she longed to be appreciated and truly loved by those around her. And some days… it just seemed like quite the opposite was true. The fear that people didn't really love her for who she was and that one event could cause everyone to deem her nothing was something that was eating away at her self-esteem.

_Why can't I be loved for being… me? You know, Korra, the girl. Why do I have to be the avatar for people to care about me? This is so… this is so messed up! I don't want the fame and the money! I want to be loved! Why is that the one thing I don't have!_

Naga gently licked Korra's arm and nuzzled her way on to Korra's lap. Korra hugged Naga like a teddy bear. Of all the things that had gone wrong and of all the people who would most likely abandon her if the worst happened - Naga would always be there for her. Naga would always come back for her no matter what. Naga would always love her.

_Too bad the rest of the world can't be like Naga._

The last dream was still taking a toll on Korra. As she breathed heavily trying to regulate her heartbeat once again she looked at Naga who seemed worried about her. "It's alright Naga," Korra said in between breaths, "it was just a bad dream." She lied but it made her feel better. Somehow she was convinced that if she attempted to minimalize it, it would help her deal with it.

Unfortunately it did quite the opposite at times. Korra desperately tried to shake the vivid memories of the nightmares. But they haunted her wherever she went and she was without escape. They consumed her and she began to live in fear. Amon was someone who she hoped she never had to see again. But she couldn't let others in on that thought. She couldn't let anyone see her scared. Because if she did, they'd see the avatar, the one with all the power in the world, slipping. And their hope and faith in her would be lost. For if the most powerful bender lived in fear of Amon, who else was strong enough to stop him or his revolution?

Korra became recluse. She hated feeling this way. It felt so unlike herself. Usually she was the type of person who was ready to take on the world, fearless to all danger. Quite the opposite to now where she felt vulnerable, helpless and alone. All these feelings welled up inside her causing her to become unusual tame and quiet. And despite Korra's best efforts it was apparent to everyone around her that something was wrong.

More than a couple times she caught Jinora and Ikki staring at her questionably. Afterwards Korra would overhear Ikki quietly ask Jinora if Korra was alright. Jinora would simply shrug mouthing out an "I don't know." She wouldn't know. Korra always wondered if either one of those girls truly understood the complexity of the situation. After all, despite her age, Jinora was only a couple years younger than Aang was when he saved the whole world. And here was Korra, she hadn't even mastered all the elements at seventeen and she was failing miserably at controlling the situation with the Equalists.

"_I mean, I barely saved Bolin. Bolin almost became Amon's victim. Almost lost his bending for good. And me?" _Korra snorted quietly and ashamed, "_Me… I almost didn't save him. My own friend and I could barely save him. What on earth makes me think I'll be able to save the world?"_

Korra longed to meet Aang. She just wanted his advice. She wanted to hear his voice. She wanted to know who he really was. All growing up Korra had only heard of Aang as some extraordinary figure who could do it all. It was almost like anything Aang touched became pure gold. Korra understood that Aang was incredible but some days it felt like Aang could do no wrong and that ended up making her feel worse about how she was doing.

Yet somehow, something inside Korra nagged her about her knowledge of Aang. Something within her felt like she had been told the sugar-coated version of the story. Surely he had some screw ups. Surely there were times where he honestly felt like a failure.

"_Surely he had to be human like me… I hope." _Korra thought as she sighed quietly. She didn't want Tenzin or any of them overhearing her thoughts or depressive sighs. They had enough to worry about on their own without the knowledge that Korra was secretly depressed.

But Korra knew she couldn't talk to Aang yet. She angrily kicked a rock across the walkway as she walked around the island. When she sensed she was truly alone, she had a fit of rage at herself.

"OF COURSE I CAN'T MEET AANG! I'm not _spiritual_ enough. I haven't leveled up. I haven't reached that spiritual alignment that will allow me to be something greater," Korra said with a large dose of angry sarcasm. She could feel herself start to lose it but unlike times before she tried not to convert that anger to firebending. She'd already done enough damage on the island. "Damn this whole avatar thing!" Korra tried to scream without being heard, "I'm all alone to figure this shit out and the one person who could _REALLY_ help me through all this…" Korra paused and let out a frustrated sigh. "I can't even access him because I'm not _spiritual_. This damn spiritual stuff is going to be the death of m…" Korra abruptly stopped.

_The death of me._ A vision of Amon grabbing her flashed before her eyes and she staggered backwards, catching herself as she stumbled. Her heart began to race and she hyperventilated. _ "Amon's going to kill me."_

Korra finally calmed herself down and regained her composure. In an attempt to forget everything she walked over in the cool of the night to where most of her airbending training went down and set up a radio. Korra usually found the radio quite calming and after searching for a little while she found some jazz that she absolutely loved. It was reassuring and allowed Korra to find a sense of normal.

She took a deep breath and became determined to focus on something that was important – her airbending. Korra acted out the various airbending training techniques almost in sync with the music. The fact that it was dark allowed her to hide in a way. The cool breeze that came off of the ocean blew ever so slightly which gave a sense of peace. Korra started to become in sync with her environment and the world around her. According to Tenzin, that was a good thing to master as it would help her become a better airbender.

Things were going well. Her mind was wandering away from recent events. "_I should really do this more often." _Korra thought.

Static came through the radio but Korra ignored it. She was so enveloped with what she was doing that the music had become mere background noise and was no longer a part of what she was doing.

And then she heard it. Like fingernails down a blackboard it pierced through Korra. In an instant Korra's focus and peace was shattered. She froze.

_Amon._

Amon came on the radio and declared that despite him being enemy number one the revolution would still succeed. Amon reassured his followers that benders would live in fear.

It was too much for Korra. Any calm and composure she previously possessed was now gone. Sweat poured down her face like she was in a sauna and her body begun to tremble ever so slightly. She was genuinely afraid in a way she had never known before.

In Korra's mind, everything she cared about flashed before her. Tenzin, Ikki, Jinora, everyone she had befriended on Air Temple Island…

_Mako and Bolin._

And just like in the dream she visualized Amon ripping all of it away violently saying in his dark and raspy voice "you have nothing. You _are _nothing."

Korra didn't want to scream out loud but she was screaming inside.

_How the hell am I supposed to deal with this? What do I do? Please help me, Aang. Don't leave me and my dear friends to die like this. I want to do the right thing. I really honestly do. I don't want to fail you, Tenzin or society. I want to be everything I'm meant to be. But I can't do it on my own. I need you to guide me, Aang. Please, Aang. Please help me._


	2. Chapter 2

A night later it became time for dinner. There was the usual commotion as Pema stood over her three kids demanding they wash their hands before coming to the table. Jinora was past resistance and washed her hands with no problem. But Ikki had to question everything. _Everything._ And Meelo… good grief you could hardly keep that kid down. Some days Korra wondered how Pema did it.

Korra was distracted by everything going on. For a minute, she secretly debated as to whether the whole situation with Pema and her three, soon to be four, kids was a sign of what was to come in being a wonderful mother or a perfect warning for Korra that she should avoid having kids of her own someday.

Korra just shook her head. _"I'm only seventeen. I have a lot of growing up to do anyway. I'll wait until I get married before I start making decisions like that. Don't need to be jumping to conclusions. I have a nasty habit of doing already."_

The family finally gathered at the table. For once Korra felt at peace. The kids still thought she was weird for being suddenly calm. Earlier that day Korra heard Pema ask Tenzin to check up on her because of her unusual behavior. But Tenzin had reassured Pema that for now he was going to let her be. Korra thought that maybe Tenzin figured it was part of becoming an airbender and that being calm was something that would just happen normally. How little did any of them know. But Korra was never going to show them her weak side. Hell no. She had to be strong. Because the avatar is strength not weakness. Therefore she must be likewise.

Tenzin softly spoke a prayer of thanks when an unusual voice pierced through the peace and quiet. As Korra looked up she saw Tenzin and Pema give a horrified look. Tenzin stood up and claimed his house in such a way that one protects his territory. The man who Tenzin called Tarrlok, however, couldn't care less.

_"Who the hell is this and what does he want?"_ Korra had heard Tarrlok's name mentioned before, Tenzin would occasionally rant to Pema about how insufferable he was. But this was the first time Korra had ever seen Tarrlok. And in all honesty, she wasn't about to trust him. As Korra's world had been flipped around and had ceased making sense, the one person she turned to for sound advice was Tenzin. So if Tenzin didn't want this man in his house, Korra did not either. Korra kept her calm. She once again opted to hide her emotions and vowed to keep a calm and steady face no matter what this Tarrlok was here for.

Tenzin relented and Tarrlok made his way into the room further. Korra sensed him coming straight for her. A short sharp sense of fear came over her as she quickly began to wonder why he was make a move towards her. She saw Pema glare at Tenzin out of the corner of her eye as Tenzin sat down. Korra did not want this man near her at all. But there he was towering over her.

"Ah, you must be the famous avatar Korra," Tarrlok started out with a smooth voice. Too smooth, Korra felt. But nonetheless it made Korra smile to be called the "famous avatar". She couldn't quite wrap her mind around why she felt good about it though, as only moments earlier it was something she rued with everything in her body. But she politely stood and greeted the guest. Regardless of his rude entrance, Korra was determined to be civil about it.

Without another word she sat down a little off to the side allowing for Tarrlok to sit next to her. She really didn't want him there but she didn't appear to have a choice. Every muscle in her body tensed up ever so slightly.

"_I hope he doesn't ask me a bunch of questions. I really don't feel like talking. I just want to be left alone and spend time with Tenzin and his family. Please loser, go away. Don't screw up my life."_

Without a moment to spare, Ikki scooted over and began evaluating Tarrlok and making fun of his strange appearance. Korra snickered quietly. _"Note to self… give Ikki a candy bar for saying everything I wanted to say."_

It didn't take long for Tarrlok to brush off what Ikki had said. He turned his attention to Korra and began praising her for infiltrating the rally. Korra didn't know what to say. Dare she admit to him that she wasn't doing to gain information but rather for the sake of saving a friend? A small wave of confidence washed over Korra and she admitted that he was the first authority to appreciate her arrival. She felt Tenzin's face soften a little with a hint of sadness. It made Korra feel bad for saying such a thing but she had no time to redeem herself before Tarrlok inserted himself again, praising Korra and everything she had done.

Tenzin had had quite enough of the charades and spoke out, demanding to know what his purpose for flattering Korra was for. Korra retracted a little as she suddenly sensed that he truly didn't care about her but rather just wanted her for a job.

_"Once again… people only caring about me because I'm the avatar. Never loving me for who I am on the inside. Here we go again. What good news do you bring to me, Tarrlok. Why not just smash my heart while you're at it. I'm so glad you went out of your way to whisper sweet nothings in my ear. What a jerk. Ikki is damn right to question you. Note to self… give Ikki two or more candy bars depending on how many you can sneak past Pema."_

Tarrlok recovered from Tenzin's pointed question. "Patience Tenzin," he said without blinking, "I'm getting to that."

_The hell you are._

Tarrlok began again, this time explaning his mission.

It sounded fantastic, really. And Korra wanted Tarrlok to be successful. She supported the mission and the idea of it.

Then Tarrlok introduced her into the equation. She heard Tenzin's outcry of disbelief and agreed. She wanted to help but deep down she knew she wasn't strong enough to handle it and the last thing she wanted as to make a huge fool of herself so the whole world could know what a failure she was. No, she was going to fly under the radar for a while. She was going to master airbending and collect herself together and get her life intact before setting out and conquering Amon.

As he finished Korra reached a crossroad within her. But her common sense took over and she said calmly with a hint of sadness, "join your task force?" she paused, "I can't."

You could've heard a pin drop. Everyone was aghast. Korra refused to look up to see everyone's reaction. She didn't want people's reactions changing her mind. She was determined to keep herself safe.

Tarrlok stammered, "I… I… must admit I'm rather surprised…"

_"Deal with it." _Korra thought.

"Me too," Tenzin mumbled.

_"Whose side are you on? Do I do anything right, Tenzin? First I'm too rash in my decision making and you despise that and now I finally follow your advice and it's almost like you have this disbelieving shock like you expected me to screw up again? Thanks for the vote of confidence, Tenzin. Really appreciated it."_

Korra used every ounce of self-control to keep herself together and calm. She continued to eat as if that would help. It did to an extent but Tenzin's comment caused her to put it down. She was going to show these men how she felt. _Well, not really though. Because she still couldn't bring herself to admit her fears._

"I came to Republic City to finish my avatar training with Tenzin," Korra began with confidence, "right now I just need to focus on that."

Obviously this wasn't a good enough reaction for Tarrlok. Tarrlok was weird and becoming frightening in an odd way. Korra sensed his plans meant more than just one mission. Tarrlok saw something different in Korra. He saw his grand opportunity for accomplishing his plans to destroy the revolution completely. He knew that he wasn't strong enough and he didn't have enough faith in his task force yet. The avatar was the perfect completion to everything he felt was right. All this for Korra to deny his offer. Tarrlok felt insulted and tried to persuade her even more. He tried making an offer she couldn't refuse. Too bad it wasn't that hard to refuse.

_"Good grief shut up! Shut up! When are you going to just quit, Tarrlok? Seriously!" _Korra thought as she rolled her eyes. Tenzin picked up on her frustration and demanded Tarrlok leave. Tarrlok wasn't quite ready and as he parted he told Korra that he wasn't giving up on her and that he'd be back.

_"Hold on as I try to contain my excitement,"_ Korra thought sarcastically. Her sarcasm turned to annoyance. As Tarrlok seemed rather sluggish in actually leaving. Korra contemplated shoving him out of the room, possibly with earthbending. But she knew Tenzin was watching and wouldn't approve of it in the least bit, even if he was an annoying jerk who wouldn't leave her alone.

"Bye bye ponytail man!" Ikki shouted.

_"God, I love this kid,"_ Korra said to herself. The look on Tarrlok's face that he tried but failed to conceal from the group as he left made Korra's night. Made everything worth it.

Korra sat back on her bed that night. Naga nudged up next to her. With a small chuckle Korra reached over and began scratching Naga on the top of her head. Naga relaxed and rested her head in Korra's lap. Naga absolutely loved the way Korra scratched her. And seeing Naga so happy and relaxed had a similar effect on Korra. She quietly fell asleep and felt reassured with everything that she had made the right decision. In truth, she never felt better. And for the first time in weeks… she didn't have a nightmare.


	3. Chapter 3

Korra thought that the dinner incident was the last she'd see of Tarrlok. For whatever reason she assumed that Tenzin would talk to him later and knock some sense into him. Korra was wrong. And badly.

It started off with not much but Korra quickly realized each gift was more elaborate. She felt embarrassed but at the same time she was annoyed and mad as hell. One day after being delivered a small gift, Korra walked away and screamed "LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"_Wow, he's bad at taking hints. I bet he's not married. Explains why. He's so freakin' terrible at getting people's attention in a proper manner. And he doesn't take social cues well either. And if he is married… well then… I would have to say he'd be an unexplained wonder of the world. Seriously, Tarrlok. Cut the garbage. I don't want to help you on your task force. DEAL WITH IT. I AM THE AVATAR AND YOU GOTTA DEAL WITH IT."_

One evening, Korra got away from all the normal commotion on Air Temple Island and found a set of stairs in front of the building where no one was around. She sat down peacefully and thought about everything going on. Within a few minutes Naga came over. Korra could tell she wanted her stomach rubbed. She had seen that face many times before. Korra smiled.

"Get over here, you," she said happily. Naga got excited and nearly toppled Korra as she got next to her and rolled over. Korra began rubbing her stomach. Naga gave the look like nothing better could happen in the world. The ability to please Naga made Korra feel at peace once again.

Suddenly, off in the distance, she heard some humming. She figured it was just someone passing by when she heard a distinct voice exclaim "hello fellow teammate!"

Korra recognized it right away and perked up a little. "Hey Bolin," she said calmly as she continue to rub Naga.

"Missed you at practice this week," Bolin said.

Korra winced with guilt, "yeah sorry about that." In that moment Korra remember why she missed practice in the first place. With everything going on with Tenzin, Tarrlok and the fact that Korra still hadn't returned to her normal self, she couldn't bring herself to go to practice. It just didn't interest her the way it used to. It was almost like it wasn't fun anymore. Like she lost her drive for it altogether. The last thing she wanted, however, was for Bolin to catch on. Nonetheless Korra felt bad about missing practice and it showed on her face. Bolin's expressions changed as he saw her downcast face and felt bad for guilt tripping her.

In an attempt to recover the conversation Bolin reassured her, "nah it's alright. We're probably out of the tournament anyway unless some money miraculously drops out of the sky by tomorrow."

An awkward pause ensued broken by Bolin's sudden upbeat, "anyway! So the reason I came by was to give you this! Ta-da!" And with that he thrust a rose and a cupcake in front of Korra.

Korra had no idea what to do. She awkwardly took the rose and cupcake from Bolin and thanked him for it. She stared at it for a split second. It puzzled her on so many levels. She couldn't understand his actions. What on earth was he doing? Was he trying to get on her good side to ask a favor of her the way Tarrlok did? Was he trying to covertly say something? Korra's mind blanked on a possible reason as to why Bolin did this.

A split second passed where Korra wondered if Bolin liked her but she immediately shook that from her mind. Why on earth would he like her? Mako didn't even like her! Good grief, why would Bolin give her the time of day in that respect. No man had ever pursued Korra before and to be frank, she didn't know how to recognize it nor did she know how to deal with it and respond to it.

Wondering Bolin's motive, Korra looked up and asked him what it was for. She watched as Bolin turned away embarrassed.

"_What… what is he doing? Is there something wrong? I am so lost"_

Bolin proceeded to talk about how Korra saved him. Korra downplayed it. For one, it was because she was still coping with the backlash from that event and two, he was her friend… of course she would do it for him, right? Although occasionally Korra struggled with whether or not she originally went to save Bolin or to spend time with Mako. That made her feel guilty as she really wanted to do things for the right reasons instead of having an alternative motive. Good heavens these bending brothers were confusing!

At the same time, Bolin's outward display of what he was talking about and the funny faces he had made Korra laugh on the inside. Bolin was funny in his own little way. Korra secretly appreciated it.

"_I wonder if Bolin knows how much I appreciate him. I should tell him some time,"_ Korra thought. She opted out this time because she felt it would be too awkward and potentially taken the wrong way. And she most definitely did not want to lose Bolin.

Bolin mentioned Amon and taking away bending. Korra freaked out. He didn't mean to but she wished he hadn't brought that part up. Her life was already upside down and she was already more than terrified of Amon. But it was sharply brought to the front of her mind again. Still Korra retained her composure.

"I mean that is scary stuff," Bolin continued, "I still can't sleep well."

Korra paused. That sounded rather familiar. Korra suddenly felt a wave of sympathy come about her. She so badly wanted to reach out and hug him and tell him everything that she had been having nightmares about. But something kept her from doing so… pride. She still struggled with the fact that she was terrified despite being the avatar. Although it did make her feel somewhat better to know Bolin was going through something similar. To not be the only one going through something can sometimes be a reassuring feeling.

Still… Korra should put her pride away this one time. This is Bolin. She can trust him. She decided she would embrace him and tell him everything. But just as she was about to carry out the plan in her head, without warning, a lady walked up delivering a gift from Tarrlok.

"_Good god, give it up already. I'm so damn sick and tired of your charades!"_

After sending her away she noticed Bolin seemed very threatened. He immediately offered to go after Tarrlok in the name of Korra.

Korra smiled. It caused a warm feeling to well up inside her. Korra found it cute that Bolin cared about her and was ready to protect her. For a little bit she envisioned Bolin confronting Tarrlok. Maybe Bolin could get him to leave her alone.

"_Nah, best not to bring him into more trouble with less than honorable power players."_

She told Bolin who Tarrlok was and Bolin relaxed. Korra couldn't stop smiling. For the first time she thought he was kinda cute. Sure, Mako was still way cuter and she still had a crush on him but strangely despite the conversation not going the way Bolin had envisioned it, it had actually worked. His little bit of flirting got Korra's attention and after he bid her farewell, Korra sat and stared at the rose and cupcake.

She felt her face get hot. Although she still didn't have a crush on Bolin, this definitely started to play with her mind. And as she took a bite of the cupcake and marvel at the rose's beauty she began to wonder if she should reconsider who she was pursuing. After all, Mako seemed like he didn't really care but Bolin went out of his way. Korra carefully pondered these things.

She got up and smiled at Naga. "Think I should give him a chance, Naga?" Naga perked up and seemed happy. Korra laughed softly and mumbled, "maybe I should. We'll have to see what happens, I guess." When she got back inside she found a beautiful vase and put the rose in. Somehow that one rose brightened up the room. Or was that Korra's feelings? Korra began to smile bigger. Her confidence began to return as she realized that maybe Bolin really did care about her as a person.

"_Maybe there are in fact people who care about me for who I really am."_ It was a great feeling, really. It made Korra's night.

Tenzin ran into Korra later than night and picked up on her more upbeat attitude. Somewhat puzzled, he asked if she was doing better. Korra hid a quick blush as she calmly replied, "yeah I'm fine."


	4. Chapter 4

Tenzin saw Ikki and Meelo in a car making various car noises. He shook his head. "Too soon," he muttered. He knew his children would drive soon enough but was it really necessary to jump ahead of themselves? Tenzin rolled his eyes and moved on but took note of the car with the big elegant bow. He knew exactly who it was for and felt it was time to talk to her about what was happening.

Korra really couldn't care less about anything going on around her. She once again was focused on her airbending moves. Right now, that was all that mattered and she was determined to master it. She would not fail. Her stubbornness refused to let her give up. And for all the trouble her stubbornness had gotten her into, it was nice being able to use it to her advantage for once.

As Korra moved around her mind was slightly distracted by the events of past. Particularly Bolin's intriguing move. Korra began to realize she was torn. Bolin paid attention to her in a way she appreciated. She regretted not showing it when he gave her the gifts, but she was really grateful… just unsure on how to react exactly. Kinda hard to know how to react when nobody really ever flirts with you.

Korra found Bolin rather cute and wished she could have another chance to be alone with him again so she could really get to know him. Who knew? Maybe he'd be the one for her. It seemed way too early to tell though.

But at the same time Korra's crush on Mako came back with a vengeance. Despite the fact that he seemed rather indifferent to her on a regular basis, Korra couldn't help but feel extremely attracted to him. Her reasoning for him largely ignoring her advances was that he was simply just trying to suppress his feelings and he too didn't know how to react to flirting much in the way she didn't.

After all, when was the last time Mako was on a date? None that Korra could remember. Mako never talked about girls. Korra always assumed Bolin was the one getting all the ladies while Mako separated himself from all that. Mako acted like he didn't want to be with a girl at all. Mako's refusal to show much emotion made him more intriguing to Korra and she longed to figure out who he was. Despite all Bolin had done for Korra, deep down she still wanted Mako the most.

"_Ah who am I kidding. Watch me get neither of them. With the dumb luck that I've had recently. This is ridiculous. Part of me wants my old life back. You know, the one in the southern pole before I came here. Yet at the same time I love Republic City and would never want to leave."_

Korra let out a frustrated sigh. She hated being torn like this. It seemed like she was at war with herself yet again. Hopefully soon enough everything would start to make sense again. Korra took a deep breath and resumed her airbending moves. Out of the corner of her eye she spotted Tenzin approaching. Korra could tell he was bothered about something and secretly hoped he could mind read everything she was conflicted over.

"I see Tarrlok's gifts are getting more and more extravagant," Tenzin said wearily as he approached.

Korra's face narrowed at the sound of that. "Yeah that guy doesn't know how to take 'no' for an answer," Korra said wearily with a hint of frustration. She tried keeping her emotions down as she felt it would inhibit her ability to focus on airbending. But Tenzin wanted to do more than just greet her. He wanted to have a talk with her.

"Korra…" Tenzin began, "are you doing… alright?"

Sensing Tenzin's worry Korra tried to reassure him. "Yeah… I'm fine," she lied.

_"Well that went worse than I expected."_

Korra's face became downcast. She knew damn well she wasn't fine. She was quite the opposite. But such a pride consumed her that prevented Korra from just admitting it to begin with. Korra could never understand it yet at the same time she knew it perfectly. Korra kept wishing that one day she could be a better person. She didn't want to be the overly prideful girl anymore. It was almost like she didn't know where to start, where to change. She had been so set in her ways she didn't know where she could start undoing everything that had previously made her who she was, even if she didn't terribly appreciate who that person had become.

Tenzin's inquiry on whether Korra turned down Tarrlok's offer for the right reasons hurt Korra. For some reason it just did. _Probably because part of me still wishes I had taken it up. Yet at the same time, I never want to join. Overall I just wish it'd all go away for good. So sick and tired of it._

"I just wanted to focus on airbending," Korra muttered disappointingly. She seemed more unsure of her answer and the motives behind it.

Tenzin read her like a book. He knew there was more she wasn't telling him. But he also knew he could never force it out of a girl like Korra. Instead he took a more passive approach. One that would subtly hint to Korra that he knew what was up but would still reassure her and give her a place to go if she needed someone to talk to.

"You know it's okay to be scared," Tenzin said with a reassuring voice. "The whole city is frightened by what's going on. The important thing is to talk about our fears. Because if we don't, they can throw us out of balance."

_He knows._

Korra winced and closed her eyes. Tenzin knew exactly what was up. On one hand she couldn't believe it but on the other hand she probably would've been more surprised if he hadn't picked up on it. She tried to turn away so Tenzin wouldn't see the anguish on her face.

Tenzin hated seeing Korra like this. When Korra first arrived, he was annoyed by practically everything she did. He saw her as an uncontrolled person who had little to no restraint and was far from ever mastering the spiritual side of being the avatar. But recently he saw a whole new side of her, one that softened his view on who she was. He realized that for as hardcore as she appeared on the inside, she was, in fact, fragile. He felt bad for assuming the worst of her. He knew his first opinion was wrong but despite that he knew that one thing he did care about was Korra. And beyond just being her airbending teacher, he wanted to be someone she could run to. It was almost like Korra was his fifth child.

Tenzin stood up. "I'm always here for you, if you want to talk."

Korra sat there silently. She didn't quite know how to respond. She was grateful that she and Tenzin were finally on good terms with each other and she was happy to finally see more of the caring side of him. Korra enjoyed that side of Tenzin. Made him feel like he was human as well. And easy to relate to, for that matter. As Tenzin offered himself to talk, Korra silently thanked him. She wanted to blurt out all her problems but she was too bent on keeping everything to herself.

_"One of these days I'll be brave and humble enough to express my true feelings. Maybe if people knew who I was…" _Korra paused and thought about it for a moment. _"Maybe if I told people my feelings they would know who I was… and relate to me… maybe then they'd love me for who I am and not just the avatar."_

As Tenzin walked away, Korra slumped over. Part of her cried out to Tenzin, "come back!" However these words were never verbalized and Korra spent the rest of the day mulling over everything that had happened from the new car to Tenzin's words to the thoughts completely unrelated to being the avatar that somehow still mattered a great deal.

_"Being the avatar is so hard. Nobody knows what I'm going through. All the things I have to put up and the war within me over who I'm supposed to be and who I wish I was. They all live their more normal lives. They don't have the pressure of keeping the balance of the world intact."_

_ Lucky them._


	5. Chapter 5

Korra sat on the railing outside. She was lost in thought when she heard Jinora's voice pierced through the silence.

"Korra, are you okay?" she said with concern. Korra turned her head ever so slightly to face the young airbender.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Korra said sadly.

"You know, you can always tell me what's wrong," Jinora said trying to sound hopeful.

"And me!" Ikki said with a small jump. "I always want to hear about you! I want to know all your stories and everything that's happening and oh did you see that cute firebender boy recently and are you sure you're going to be okay, is that ponytail man bothering you don't worry about that because he's weird and you should never listen to him and-"

"Ikki that's enough already," Jinora said with a hint of annoyance as she interrupted Ikki's monologue. She gave a short shrug and looked back at Korra with a soft frown. "Well, if you need us, we're going to be at this table nearby… is that alright?"

"Yeah that's fine," Korra said hardly moving. She didn't mind the two being near her. They had become like little sisters she never had. It was nice to see their concern. It made her feel better inside to know that she could always count on Jinora and Ikki to love and care about her.

Korra sat there for the longest time mulling over all the things going through her mind. She felt very antisocial and didn't feel like saying a single word. She wanted to just sink into a cave where nobody could find her and she would be alone to rest and recuperate. But such is nearly impossible to do when you're the avatar.

Korra was beginning to hate that title with a passion. Sure she loved being able to bend all four elements even if she could only do three at the moment. Being able to bend all the elements gave her some kind of power and gave her versatility. So when waterbending didn't quite do the job she was looking for, she had two other elements to turn to. More and more, however, that seemed to be where the benefits ended. After that it was hard work and a lot of stress. It was physically and mentally exhausting in a way words couldn't describe.

Suddenly an annoying familiar voice came through the night. It was the lady Tarrlok sent to pursued Korra.

"_THAT DOES IT! Dammit I've had enough of this lady! I am so freakin' tired of her coming! I am showing her the way out one last time and she had better listen to me if she knows at all what's good for her!"_

Korra bounded down off the railing. "It doesn't matter how many gifts Tarrlok sends," she said with anger pulsing through her voice. "I'm not joining his task force!" Korra yelled as she earthbended the lady about-face and kicked her away.

"_AND STAY OUT!"_

"It's not a gift!" the lady pleaded. Korra whipped around with an angry, skeptical look on her face. If it wasn't a gift then why the hell was she here? Obviously it couldn't be a good reason – that Korra knew. "It's an invitation!" she cried out.

"For what?" Korra said annoyed. She walked over to the lady and ripped the paper out of her hand angrily.

"_This had better be something good or I'm going to launch her in the air."_

"Tarrlok is throwing gala in your honor," the lady continued. "All of Republic City's movers and shakers will be there. The councilman humbly requests your attendance."

Korra's face narrowed as she read the full details of the invitation. This whole situation seemed fishy. There was just something off about it. _It was almost too good to be true_. Korra begrudgingly thanked the woman and sent her off on her way as fast as she could.

"_Thank goodness she's FINALLY gone. Hopefully that's the absolute last I'll ever see of her."_

Ikki jumped up from the nearby table startling Korra. Korra had practically forgotten they were even there to begin with.

"Oooo what's that?" Ikki said hardly able to contain her excitement. "Can I come? Please? I promise I'll be good! Oh please Korra, I love parties! Korra! Please! Can I go? Can I? Can I?"

"Ikki! That's enough already," Jinora said rebuking her sister. "Korra, when is the gala?"

"It's…" Korra stammered, "it's tonight."

Korra, Ikki and Jinora quietly stared at each other. At that moment Pema walked outside to check up on them.

"Would any of you like anything to drink?" Pema said with a smile. She then noticed Korra's downcast face and her daughters frozen in time. "Is there something I should know about? What happened?"

"It's the lady who keeps giving me gifs on Tarrlok's behalf," Korra said. Pema's face narrowed as Korra continued. "She gave me this invitation for a gala that's held in my honor and it's tonight and I have no idea if I should go. I mean, I don't even have clothes nice enough for such an event. Hell, I don't even know whether or not I should go to begin with?"

Pema asked to see the invitation and momentarily disappeared back inside. When she came back her face had soften ever so slightly but Korra could tell she was a little weary of what was going on. "Tenzin suggests that we go," Pema began calmly, "although not our first choice it is the polite thing to do and it would look rather bad if Tarrlok threw a gala for someone who didn't even show up. Especially because you're the avatar and more than likely the press will be there… it just wouldn't look good unfortunately."

Pema turned to her daughters, "Ikki, Jinora, wash up and get out your nice clothes. You're going. And make sure you comb your hair well." As the two of them ran off happily Pema turned and shouted, "and don't forget to tell Meelo and get him ready too!"

Pema turned to Korra. "As for you Korra, don't worry about the clothes. I have some nice water tribe clothing that the Order of the White Lotus brought with them when they moved up here to be with you. They gave me all your nice clothes to use when the time came and well… " Pema sighed, "I guess the time is now right." Korra still seemed disheartened. "I know you don't really want to do this but sadly this is one of the things you must get used to as the avatar. Everyone wants to see you and have something to do with you. Part of your job will be public appearances. Although I truly don't envy you on that scale."

"Trust me, you wouldn't want to," Korra mumbled. Pema put a reassuring hand on Korra's shoulder. Although it didn't give Korra all the confidence she wanted it did make her feel better.

"Don't you worry," Pema said, "if anything goes wrong Tenzin will come after them."

"_Yeah like how he stopped Tarrlok from harassing me at dinner a couple nights ago?"_ Korra thought.

Despite Pema's reassuring remarks Korra still felt uneasy about everything. She felt extraordinarily anti-social and really didn't want to see or talk to anyone. She sighed heavily, got dressed and fixed up her hair, putting part of it down. It had been forever since she had put her hair down like that. She wondered what other people at the gala would think.

_Whatever. I'm the avatar. I can look however I want. And the rest of them? Well… they just need to deal with it._


	6. Chapter 6

Almost as soon as they approached they could hear the joyful music playing inside. Korra saw the massive banners stretching the height of the building with her full body picture on them.

"_It's sweet… but creepy… why do they have to be so big? Do I really look like that on a regular basis? Holy crap my hips look huge. I wish I could've picked out which pose and picture they used. Gah, normally I couldn't care less about this but those banners are just so… huge. Was this really all necessary?"_

As Korra and Tenzin's family walked in Korra felt a wave of joy come over her. Korra watched as Jinora, Ikki and Meelo ran into the room with wonder and excitement that only a child could have. She felt good from the inside out and smiled as the people clapped at the sight of her.

"_Well that's certainly a different response from the Equalist rally. Nice to know there are some people who appreciate my existence."_

Korra turned to Tenzin grinning. "I can't believe this is all for me," she said with a joyful disbelief. This was almost a dream. Despite not wanting to go at first, this was turning out to be great.

"I'm not sure what Tarrlok's plotting," Tenzin's voice quietly broke through Korra's daydream, "but keep your guard up. It's not like him to throw a party just for the fun of it."

Before Korra had time to question Tenzin's logic Tenzin straightened out and Korra snapped around to see Tarrlok coming through the crowd of people. Something didn't sit right with Korra. Something seemed wrong although she couldn't quite put her finger on it. Tenzin's words echoed through Korra as she stiffened ever so slightly so not to appear weak or anything.

"_Take a deep breath, Korra. You got this. You can do it."_

Tarrlok excused Korra away from Tenzin which made Korra a little uneasy. She glanced over quickly long enough to see Tenzin's condescending glare at Tarrlok. She followed Tarrlok around the room meeting various people, all of them happy to see her. It seemed like just the confidence boost she needed.

Tarrlok finally looked at Korra and said, "come here, Korra. I really would like you to meet this man. I'm sure you'll love to meet him." Korra followed to where a slightly rotund man stood. Korra knew immediately that he was wealthy and this made her nervous in a way. Korra never had a lot of wealth and part of her was somewhat skittish around people with wealth and power. It seemed like the only thing that kept respect among these people was the fact she was the avatar. Otherwise Korra seriously doubted she would ever have such a chance to meet people like this.

"Korra, it is my pleasure to introduce you to Republic City's most famous industrialist, Hiroshi Sato," Tarrlok said gesturing to the man in front of her.

Korra smiled nervously trying not to screw up. "Nice to meet you," she said kindly.

Mr. Sato bowed to her. Korra was shocked and humbled. _"One of the most famous industrialists is bowing to me? Do I seriously deserve this? What's happening? What are all these feelings I have? I can't even begin to describe it…"_

"We're all expecting great things from you," Mr. Sato said with a smile.

"Yeah… greatness." Korra turned her head to the side frowning every so slightly. _"Is that really all they want out of me?"_ Korra wondered, _"good grief I hope I can live up to their expectations… I don't know what they'll do with me if I can't."_

And then like something magical it came. It pierced through the noises of the crowd. It was a deep voice but it felt like angels were speaking. Korra's heart immediately fluttered at the sound and her face turned slightly red.

"Hi Korra!" She heard. It was him. Korra could barely believe it. Was this happening? No, this was a dream. He couldn't be here... he's just a poor boy an-

Korra looked up. There stood Mako. Everything should be perfect. Except it wasn't. Korra's world shattered like broken glass. For there, hanging on to Mako's arm was a beautiful young lady Korra had never met. Korra had to keep herself from fainting. Her eyes narrowed as she tried so desperately to keep herself standing. She absolutely could not show any emotion. But emotion was the only thing running through her.

She knew. She just knew. She knew he was gone. Never to return. Pain hit Korra. It struck her like lightning and for a moment she was afraid she would lose the ability to breathe. In a moment every moment ever spent with Mako flashed before Korra's eyes. This was almost too real to believe. It was stranger than fiction. Was this really happening? Was it? Was it?

Korra's head began to spin, "_Was everything we went through for nothing. Am I not pretty enough? Am I not good enough? What does she have that I don't? I thought we had something… something special. I thought that we were always going to be together. WHO THE LIVING HELL IS THIS GIRL? I… I don't know… I don't know what to say, I don't know what to do… HOLY SHIT WHAT DO I SAY TO HER? I have no idea who she is but she stole the one I love! How do I react? Oh my gosh I've never been through this before."_

Korra was in complete chaos and holding it in proved to be almost as hard as mastering airbending.

Oblivious to all that was happening, Mr. Sato continued, "this is my daughter, Asami"

_"I HATE THAT NAME."_

Asami delicately shifted her position, holding on to Mako's arm ever so elegantly. Unlike Korra, Asami was slender and delicate. She was like a doily: admired for being beautiful and a sign of outward elegance. Mako and Asami looked at each other. Korra could tell he was smitten by her. "It's lovely to meet you," she began with a soft smile, "Mako's told me so much about you."

_"Really now. You want to play this game? Because that's exactly what I needed to hear. Go ahead, tell me something else. Tell me what a twisted irony my life is. Go ahead. I dare you."_

"Oh really?" Korra snapped, "because he hasn't mentioned you _at all_!" Korra said leaning angrily towards them with her arms crossed. She was mad as hell and she was past the point of hiding her anger. Mako coughed quietly trying to get Korra's attention, Korra turned her head long enough to see Mako give her the look.

_"He doesn't want me to eat her alive. But I want to so badly…. Another time, Korra, another time you will get your chance."_

"How did you two meet?" sneered Korra standing back a little.

_"Watch it be some dumbass reason."_

Next thing Korra knew, Bolin was right next to her, "Asami crashed into him on her moped."

_"THAT'S A DUMBASS REASON."_

"What?" Korra said shocked. She turned to Mako, "are you okay?" she said concerned.

_"What… what is this… why am I seriously feeling sorry for him? He's got his pretty little lover to console him now. Why does he need me anymore? He doesn't! He never needed me! And he'll never need me again!"_

Mako proceeded to explain how Mr. Sato was going to sponsor them in the tournament. Mako and Bolin were thrilled beyond belief. This was like Christmas. "Isn't that great!" Bolin practically yelled.

"Yeah… terrific," Korra said half-heartedly.

_"Once again, I'll try to contain my enthusiasm."_

Korra turned her head to the side to hide some of the emotions going through her. This was a living nightmare. In case Korra's world was already shaky, this just completely flipped everything upside down. Korra wanted to earthbend herself into a hold where no one could ever find her again. Now she really didn't want to be there. Korra had to face it. Asami was everything she wasn't.

Strangely enough, the more Korra thought about it and the more time she had to calm herself down and rationalize the whole situation, the more she realized she wasn't particularly mad at Asami herself. In fact it was the strangest feeling Korra had ever experienced. She was mad… but not mad. Which is overall quite weird considering she was, after all, the one stealing the love of her life. But Korra realized that she most likely had little to no idea who Korra actually was or the complexity of the relationship between her and Mako. Mako probably just told Asami the basics about her and never mentioned all the adventures or awkward moments the two of them had. _Or like the time I saved your brother and risked my own life in the process._ But what did that matter? She had him and Korra didn't. She knew what having Mako love her felt like.

_"And me? Well… what does that matter anymore."_

Tarrlok called Chief Lin Beifong over. Korra tensed up even more.

"_Oh great… another fan."_

As Tarrlok talked and Lin Beifong insulted her, Korra felt more and more detached from the world and everything going on around her. She felt as if she wasn't there anymore. As if everything around her suddenly meant nothing. This gala was turning out to be the worst idea of her life.

As Chief Lin Beifong left, Tarrlok took Korra by the arm and offered to show her around some more. Korra reluctantly agreed. She was weary and tired of everything going on. She wanted to go home. But she remembered Pema's words that she needed to be polite despite all of it so Korra agreed to go with Tarrlok.

As Korra walked away she turned her head and glared at Mako. How could he throw her under the bus like this? All those moments where Korra tried to show her love… did they just mean nothing? Did any of it matter?

As he held on to Asami, Korra could tell he loved her.

Korra held back the tears.

Mako was gone.


End file.
